Monday, January 7, 2013

The Elephant In The Room

The Elephant In The Room from Captain Kyso

When the New York City fire department decided to replace all the hydrants around town with elephants, after ground breaking talks with the Indian government, no one was very happy.

After all, even though they’d finally managed to get rid of two bit actors like Alexx O’Nell, they’d received a bunch of pachyderms in return, and these animals were now part of an environment social responsibility exercise, that few wanted to deal with.

For example, when Dumbo wanted to take a dump, the stringent no-poop-on-the-streets law required firefighters to shovel piles of dung into body bags. And that was just the start of their problems.

Elephants, by nature, are stubborn creatures. Since the folks at PETA had forbade the firefighters from poking the animals into submission, it would take the firemen ages to get to a spot, simply because the animals were distracted by the plastic trees in the shop windows at Barney’s. Also the firemen were hardly used to mounting the animals at first, returning home on most night with stiff legs from sitting bareback for extended periods of time during the day. We hear their wives weren’t happy with the effects on other parts either, if you know what we mean.

Something had to be done and quickly. The problem was belling the cat, or in this case, an unruly bunch of pachyderms. Rock, paper, scissors, to decide who?

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