The Elephant In The Room from Captain Kyso
When the New York City fire department decided to replace all the
hydrants around town with elephants, after ground breaking talks with
the Indian government, no one was very happy.
After all, even though they’d finally managed to get rid of two bit
actors like Alexx O’Nell, they’d received a bunch of pachyderms in
return, and these animals were now part of an environment social
responsibility exercise, that few wanted to deal with.
For example, when Dumbo wanted to take a dump, the stringent no-poop-on-the-streets law required firefighters to shovel
piles of dung into body bags. And that was just the start of their problems.
Elephants, by nature, are stubborn creatures. Since the folks at PETA
had forbade the firefighters from poking the animals into submission, it
would take the firemen ages to get to a spot, simply because the
animals were distracted by the plastic trees in the shop windows at
Barney’s. Also the firemen were hardly used to mounting the animals at
first, returning home on most night with stiff legs from sitting
bareback for extended periods of time during the day. We hear their
wives weren’t happy with the effects on other parts either, if you know
what we mean.
Something had to be done and quickly. The problem was belling the cat,
or in this case, an unruly bunch of pachyderms. Rock, paper, scissors,
to decide who?